g i r | i e__

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I was digging one of my cupboards inside out 30 minutes ago. It was just a short 30 minutes and memories of more than 3 years came flooding my mind.

How sweet.

I kept all (or at least most) the presents my friends gave to me in that cupboard. It's mostly stuffs I got from them when they actually organized for me a birthday party. It's the 1st time somebody organized a celebration for me, My 15th birthday =) That day was the 1st day I attended service in Crystal too... Headed down to PS, had lunch in LJS and watched a movie on dino. How I miss them... =>

As I was looking thru, I found a photo frame wrap in pink wrappers tie with a purple ribbon. It was given to me by AngeL. In it was a picture that I had been seraching for and gave up after a few hours of seraching and there it is, lying nicely in the photo frame! It was taken back in year 2000 on AngeL's celebration at ECP. AngeL, Lyn and me were standing on some rock smiling our innocent smiles... Where have those days gone?

The TarePanda's cups are still being wrap too. Lyn's handwritings on the wrapper was still as vivid as ever. No trance of fading away. Just like our friendship.

The sweetest thing of all is the TarePanda bear that lies in a box fill up with dried flowers. The scent of the dried flowers actually remains! I used to joke about how that Panda actually sleeps in that box which I said was the coffin. Haha.. Bad me... The truth is that I was really touch by what he did. A card was attached to the box and efforts were put in. Encouraging words were written all over (as usual). I miss the chcolates under my desk everyday. I hope he is doing well.

There is this decrocative thing that JieYi gave to me in Primary 6. The biggest and most expensive present she bought (she said so =P) Garfield is standing next to the row of wordings. I used to go gaga over Garfield in primany school. It's something she got from Malaysia and as a child, I was so happy I couldn't sleep that day. I remember that it's a trip organized by PHS for all P6 students. I wanted so much to go and my Mom didn't allow. I cried and refused to go for my tuition, I merely sat next to the telephone throwing temper. My tutor called and well... I listened to her in the end and went for the tuition. She said that she promise to make me laugh if I go over! Sure enough, she did =D JieYi is my special friend who fought with me in kindergarden 2 (she can't rem) and my best tutor...

Tabernacle's weekly newsletter was found too! It was dated 23 Dec 2001... Bee Tin's smile, Sandra's words and her care for me never once left my mind I realise. Did I make a mistake?

Loads and loads of memories unfolded as I took out each and every stuffs... It's all pieces of me and I know all this belongs to me solely and will be always kept with me.

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I can't stand my Mom anymore. I don't know what she wants and I doubt I will ever know. I had enough of everything. Her nonsense are never-ending and I choose to be nonchalance this time. To her behaviors and everybody's. How will they ever understand how I feels. Since the day they divorce, the things that they/she said or do... Makes me want to hate her/them more. They will never understand how much I hate listening to what they had to say bout him, my dad. They will never understand how much I hate moving away from my old unit, the way I convince myself that he is indeed a terrible dad, the way I hold back my tears... It's all getting too much. Or is it that I am getting too insensible as I got older? Too eager in searching for ways to prove that I am so strong and independent. Am I?
I am tired of all this, it's call family problems I reckon? Or has it transformed into some kinds of personal issues? Too paranoid about everything she said on the phone, scare of going into the bathroom or staying in bed while she is in the living room talking. It makes me feel like a problem kid. Shouldn't I have pass that stage?

I hope one of them will understand. Just one of them and I will feel better.

[ Me ] | 2:36 AM | Comment(s)

I believe

- The past is not for us to dwell on. Move on when it's time, for not anyone, but yourself. Eyes make me blind -

Myself

Simple girlie, 21 going 22, Gemini

likes...

Friends, DancingToMyBeat, RetrO, Chcolate, Lavender, FreedOm, Truth, PurpLe, HugoBoss, TheatreArts, VirginSuicides, Reading

wishes for...

Nothing much. I just want to be happy. hugo boss">hugo boss">hugo boss">Hugo Bosss [Deep Red], student card of NAFA